Psychologists at the University of Albany found that social media is the new gateway drug.
That’s right. Addiction to forums like Twitter, Facebook and Instagram is a complete and ultimate red flag for a path laced with coke, meth and weed. This claim is neither backed by nor in accordance with the research that was never conducted to link excessive use of email to excessive consumption of coffee, chocolates or chai latte with a pinch of cinnamon.
This is perhaps a breakthrough as big as the crackdown on the cigarette industry when the world suddenly learned how injurious smoking was to human health after a billion years of actually surviving it. Psychologists believe that using social media first thing in the morning or late at night in bed is no less dangerous. If you’re already doing that, rest assured you’ll soon be out in the streets looking for a handler, passing him currency notes/credit cards/kidneys. And the next thing you know, your Facebook status will look something like ‘Addicted at Weeds’R’Us with Chhota Tapori’.
The addicts were advised to unfriend Mom and Dad before that.
What causes this addiction? Lack of self-worth and abundance of free time. Also, it has something to do with the brain’s reward center that lights up as a result of activity on social media. For instance, it’s not just about posting on Facebook but rather about the number of ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ your post can attract.
For example, if Pinky gets 25 likes for her DP and you get 2, Pinky is prettier and everybody wants to be her friend. If Johnny gets 89 comments for his status while you’re still waiting for any on yours…his status is cooler than yours and so is he and you should probably crawl under a rock for all eternity and die. It really doesn’t matter that half of Pinky’s family is on her list and likes everything she posts and that out of the 89 comments that Johnny got, 70 were his own and the other 19 were from his childhood friend, Pappu. I mean you’re friends with Pappu, too. Why can’t Pappu talk to you like that? Curse that Pappu! Add Guddu instead. And if Guddu doesn’t deliver then add Bobby, and before you know it, you’ll have 3000 strangers on your list.
Yay for you!
Anyway, to address such grievous concerns, one smart user came up with a brilliant solution. Benjamin Grosser’s Facebook Demetricator is an open-source web browser plug-in that removes all metrics from the Facebook interface. Users no longer see their number of friends or the likes received on a post. Instead, it simply reads ‘people like this’ and there is no ‘+1’ symbol from the ‘add friend’ button.
That’s right. Addiction to forums like Twitter, Facebook and Instagram is a complete and ultimate red flag for a path laced with coke, meth and weed. This claim is neither backed by nor in accordance with the research that was never conducted to link excessive use of email to excessive consumption of coffee, chocolates or chai latte with a pinch of cinnamon.
This is perhaps a breakthrough as big as the crackdown on the cigarette industry when the world suddenly learned how injurious smoking was to human health after a billion years of actually surviving it. Psychologists believe that using social media first thing in the morning or late at night in bed is no less dangerous. If you’re already doing that, rest assured you’ll soon be out in the streets looking for a handler, passing him currency notes/credit cards/kidneys. And the next thing you know, your Facebook status will look something like ‘Addicted at Weeds’R’Us with Chhota Tapori’.
The addicts were advised to unfriend Mom and Dad before that.
What causes this addiction? Lack of self-worth and abundance of free time. Also, it has something to do with the brain’s reward center that lights up as a result of activity on social media. For instance, it’s not just about posting on Facebook but rather about the number of ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ your post can attract.
For example, if Pinky gets 25 likes for her DP and you get 2, Pinky is prettier and everybody wants to be her friend. If Johnny gets 89 comments for his status while you’re still waiting for any on yours…his status is cooler than yours and so is he and you should probably crawl under a rock for all eternity and die. It really doesn’t matter that half of Pinky’s family is on her list and likes everything she posts and that out of the 89 comments that Johnny got, 70 were his own and the other 19 were from his childhood friend, Pappu. I mean you’re friends with Pappu, too. Why can’t Pappu talk to you like that? Curse that Pappu! Add Guddu instead. And if Guddu doesn’t deliver then add Bobby, and before you know it, you’ll have 3000 strangers on your list.
Yay for you!
Anyway, to address such grievous concerns, one smart user came up with a brilliant solution. Benjamin Grosser’s Facebook Demetricator is an open-source web browser plug-in that removes all metrics from the Facebook interface. Users no longer see their number of friends or the likes received on a post. Instead, it simply reads ‘people like this’ and there is no ‘+1’ symbol from the ‘add friend’ button.
The addicts who have been pitched this new drug – or to rephrase – the users who have tried this new life-saving technology have praised it to no end. It has saved them and their families from spending thousands of dollars on rehab (which makes neither the rehab facilities very happy nor the ditched handlers).
However, this cure is available only to Facebook addicts. Researchers are rallying to collect enough funds to be able to make the cure cheap and mass-produced. (Please donate). Meanwhile, Facebook users can rest in peace and go back to their early morning and late night checks with wide grins stuck to their faces.
Pinky is, once again, not so pretty.
However, this cure is available only to Facebook addicts. Researchers are rallying to collect enough funds to be able to make the cure cheap and mass-produced. (Please donate). Meanwhile, Facebook users can rest in peace and go back to their early morning and late night checks with wide grins stuck to their faces.
Pinky is, once again, not so pretty.
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