In plain English, she butchered the novels. And it was one of the best reviews I’d read in
It was the mere bluntness of her tone and the creative way in which she wrote the whole thing, inserting hilarious GIFs throughout to make her point.
But as I laughed and snickered and got the reviewer’s message about how much she hated the trilogy, I couldn’t help thinking how would I feel if someone gave my book a review like that? Not that her reviews would matter to E. L. James as she’s already enjoying her millions and fame - unlike me. However, there was a tiny voice in my head that kept saying maybe I should ask her to review my book. She may like it. Her opinion
would matter. Look at how many people read her blah blah blah!
I killed that tiny voice. Only to have Shami echo it two seconds later. (I hate it when she does that!)
So I did message the lady to review our newborn Aoife & Demon: Cursed be the Syhlain. FYI - she hasn’t replied yet. According to a good friend: Humi, your guts probably impressed the heck out of her! You did your suicide thing and good! Yep, suicidal is the word I’d used for myself after my move to contact the reviewer from hell.
I should say I’ve probably begun to think no publicity is bad publicity in today’s media ridden world. In fact, bad publicity often earns more profits it seems. Just think how skyrocketing our sales would be if I could have like one book burning at the hands of fantasy haters! I just might compare myself to J. K. Rowling! And a heap of bad reviews cannot be bad either I mean- it never stopped people from reading the Fifty Shades Trilogy. Almost everyone- no not almost - everyone I know who has read those books said the same thing: awfully written! And yet every week I hear more people buying and reading it just out of curiosity. They all say the same thing too: I wanted to see for myself. How bad could it be?
Well I can’t answer that question but I can see a lot of chi-ching in the writer’s account just for writing bad - apparently. Is it disappointing? Yes. It is also what my editor calls the brass ring effect. Remember those brass rings that earned you a free ride at the carousel? Pure luck! And I do wish luck to all writers, don’t get me wrong but today…I was just wondering if there really are any rules left to make a mark in the literary world.
I’m guessing not. Perhaps it was always like this and I was just ignorant. Or perhaps the rules have changed.
I won’t resort to writing trash, not compromise the integrity of good writing rules for money simply because I wouldn’t be able to even if I tried. I’ve invested too much to learn to write well in terms of money and time; all those years of reading classics and doting on authors who earned their fame and respect of readers and who still are the ones we newbies look up to (thankfully). And also because I don’t want my family doubting my literally skills more than they have to ;) But they know more than anyone else I’m somewhat of a nut job.
So here’s to thinking outside the box and breaking the rules, to book burnings and brass ring luck and a GIF studded review. There’s no road spiraling downward in this craft. Unless you’re burnt out, you can only get better at it!