“I have a dream!” 

“I’m sure you do. But could you please not think big? Think small for a change like – baby steps small or not kneading the million dollar dough small just because you think your unpublished manuscript is the next big thing.”

This is the conversation my brain had with me when I finished writing Aoife & Demon.

I was ecstatic. I could see my book swat and flick Cullen along with his numerous sequels and prequels and movies and fan base off the shelves and cyberspace like a bad bug while the universe swiftly forgot him and his ilk (Damon of VD and Harry of Potter being ilk) to worship my Demon…

I saw all this happen while the said to-be-worshipped manuscript was still a simple Word document at risk of being erased with a single careless press of the wrong button. And no one would’ve missed it except Shami and me.

Yes. We first time writers are paranoid.

It becomes harder when some of us don’t realize how important it actually is to set tiny goals simply by virtue of being a novice in the field. I was lucky I learnt it fast or else this journey from bottom up that every new writer has to endure would’ve been a real test of
patience.

Writing a manuscript to its finish is something but not nearly everything. In the grand scheme of things in our harsh writing world, it is indeed a key ingredient but it is only an ingredient; not the entire dish.

I liken it to making tea.

To make tea I need a teabag. Or a bag of tea. That would be the manuscript. But my teabag alone is not enough. In fact, it may even leave a bad stain if not used properly as asked for by the recipe so it’d be best to leave it in the closed canister till I have procured water, a kettle to hold that water and a stove to heat that kettle with water to immerse the teabag in. Then! And only then would the true colors of my teabag be unleashed.

Similarly, my manuscript needs a publisher; an agent to snag that publisher or a platform to be that publisher (self-publishing); an editor to help snag the agent and/or obtain useful information regarding said platform that would help eliminate both the agent and the unsnaggable publisher; find a cover designer and beg, threaten or honestly pay the person to do the job or save money and do it myself blah blah blah wait for a year before the completed manuscript that was already a best seller in my mind can actually take tangible book form in the real world.

And then – I wait for it to sell.

So, I hire a publicist. Or I market it myself through my skin. And then wait for YOU the reader to recognize my talent beyond all obstacles (Cullen and ilk), buy my book and rate it well too. If I sell well, my publisher may be happy to keep the book for more than a year in stock or else I’m chopped after 12 months max. If I’m self-published, it’s a long way to everything from everywhere unless the readers really really like what my books
offer. A price tag of 99 cents is a good hook. How many units do you think should I sell at that price before I can make my millions to buy my mansion?

I know. I hate math too :)

On the flipside, I can be wise and take all this into account and dream of achievable goals. Goals like just getting my name out there with the very first novel, enticing readers with cost cuts, give aways, engaging social contact via social media, letting them read some of my other stuff too, promoting fellow authors since we all sail in the same rocky boat, so on and so forth. And wait. Be patient. Stow away that blissful thought of making millions overnight for a bit, work hard and true and wait because talent always pays. Sooner or later. If I honor it and hone it, it will shine through.

Amen to that dream!

The worst part about writing is to edit one’s own previous work.

In fact, I wouldn’t even go as far as editing. I release torrents at the very thought of having to reread the dastardly pieces while the very experience of reading it all again –facing the fact that YES! MY WRITING SUCKS TOO! – is devastating. It’s about the only thing I could find nastier than a cold cup of tea on a winter morning. (If you didn't get it, you probably drink coffee or something!)

I admit. I have very kind readers. But if I ever dared throw my first drafts in public, I’m sure it wouldn’t just be those unfortunate pieces of papers being shred to nothings. Hence, I hold my peace and lock my pieces away till I have cried and wailed and cropped and chopped and added and molded and morphed and shaped and come to the end of my little talent and wits to allow my work to finally see the light of day.

Last Sunday was one such day.

Since you all must know by now about Aoife and Demon and its upcoming launch and yada yada yada, I took liberty in feeling a little – poufy – ego wise. I decided if people can take my blog, they surely deserve to read my tidbits from my early writing days and although, I’ve already put some of them on the website, some still remained and Wattpad seemed the best place for posting a modest compilation. I was aware that most of my pieces needed some sort of revision. How bad could it be, right?

Ahem. Very!

I took out a short story I’d written about seven years ago –Diamonds in the Rough. I
had always liked that storyline that put forth a fairly touching theme and plot but what hit me full force in the face as I scanned the text of about a thousand words was the difference in my own writing style. It was a horrid picture of THEN.
 
As writers, we grow while we grow as people and as life advances, our experiences add spice to us as it does to our writing. We become more seasoned and get a handle on our own skill of expression. Then, to go back to something you’d written at the start of this experience is like looking at your baby pictures – and not the cute ones too!

Aoife and Demon reflects a much more seasoned Humeira Kazmi, seasoned as a writer. I can punctuate better. I know now how and where to use my dialogue and how to use  less words to show more. I can decide how to choose between bits of information; what to reveal; what to hold back till the end or forever. I understand now how to develop my characters for the benefit of their story whether it’s short or novel length. And most of all, it is important to not be scared. 

There’s a writer within. Turn her loose!

However, not all was bad. There were lines that reeked of a very naïve and amateur writer that an author corrupted by commercialized selling and ‘political correctness’ had difficulty appreciating. It turned my turn the writer loose mantra into quite a paradox too. 

So, I let that text be. 

Reading such lines felt more like an instance of stopping by the woods on a snowy evening and smelling the roses…yes, oddity was beauty. And then it hit me. No matter how gruesome or embarrassing editing was, it gave me a chance to revisit me as I started out, my aspirations of that era, things and thoughts that inspired me then and how bold or not I was. It reflected candidly all the changes that my writing had suffered, endured, earned and honored. Hence, every edit was a new experience; adding more juice to the writing life.

And juice is healthy. Methinks I'll be fine after all :)

Believe this. Making a book cover is harder than writing a book.

I’ve been told a book cover is the door to the text within, the key to the portal, the portal to the sacred cave, the blah blah to the blah blah balhakaaalajahaahaa. Fine. So what should this door, this key, this portal, this – cover – should look like? How do you fit in all that text that’s spanning a little less than 400 pages into one measly picture, and no it’s not allowed to be measly, it better be STUPENDOUS!

What do you envision? And how?

Initially, one goodhearted chap designed our cover for free. So of course I trashed it. Like – BIG time. Lesson learnt there for him was that free is unwanted, and for me later on when my editor knocked much needed sense in me was that don’t ever trash cover designers because they are a rare species who curl away in their shell never to return if poked and probed too much.

Lesson learnt. Repentance futile. Cover designer lost to the very woods he created.

Next, we semi hired a friend to design the cover. His first query was ‘so what is the book about?’ Lord knows I wanted to pour my heart out describing the countless sleepless moments spent in creating our masterpiece but I refrained. And still was left with either too much to say or nothing at all. 

How do you decide to shrink your book into a single image? 
 
In Demon’s case, we have his ocean blue fiery teal eyes, his fire, his claw, his handsome face, his charm, his strong muscular built, his sword, his aura, his sexy – oh I could do that all day and I did! We finally settled for the mark of the Demon, the claw, and fire but it turned out that my designer’s perception was at a 180 degrees flip with regards to
mine.

Take two. Aoife. That proved even more complicated than Demon since the entire book is about her. She’s a warrior, a princess, a cursed woman, a delicate diva, a girl torn between two worlds – which aspect to pick for the cover? 

We decided to take a break.

In the meantime, a few friends came up with contacts of so-and-so who knew him or her who happened to be an artist or gave out links to cover designers but I learnt quickly that for an ebook our best bet would be to do the cover ourselves, especially since lack of funds was something of significance to first time authors as us.

I’m not in a position to say what sort of a decision would this prove to be since the book isn’t out yet but I did learn a lot about how to make covers on good ole MS WORD if all else failed. Insert picture, play around with picture tools, copy/paste on paint, crop and/or save as jpeg or similar was my best routine of the day! And I’m sure we could’ve done wonders if either of us, Shami or I, had Photoshop.

However, we did come up with some nice ones and the fun and migraines we had and shared during it all were priceless. They’ve earned a permanent place in my memoir that I hope to write someday :) 
 
For now, we have these few covers that we made for Aoife and Demon. We’ve already made our pick and yet I’d like to know how you feel. 

“Ask Demon if I can borrow my wife,” hubby says from across the laptop screen. “I’m sure it wouldn’t kill him if she gave me a little love too!”

“Why is he always saying that?” Demon frowns from within the Word document I’m editing.

“Because it’s the weekend and past midnight,” my husband replies. “She needs to get some rest!”

“Well, the answer is no.” Demon scoffs, sliding lazily back in his lounger. “I need to be more comfortable in this scene so don’t disturb her. Write away darling. You missed a word there.”

“Actually I am tired,” I say rubbing my neck. “My neck is cramping.”

My husband smiles and massages my shoulders and neck that force my eyes shut and the brain to relax.

“Excuse me!” Demon shouts. “I’m stuck here and losing to Aoife’s word vomit! You there! Get your hands off my writer!”

“Oh, I really should finish!” I snap back to the looming second draft of my first novel and sit straight again.

“Don’t tempt me or I’ll delete him!” My husband warns.

“You wouldn’t dare!” Demon hisses, his eyes flaring up.

Sigh! Just another moment of husband time v writing time :)

Being a writer is not easy. I may have said that a billion times and each time I did not mean it was difficult to come up with things to write about or that I was short on ideas. Nope. My dilemma is in fact which ideas to pick first since they all jump over me screaming in their tiny voices Pick me! Pick me! like little munchkins lost in high grass blades and afraid of being trampled on.

So no, writer’s block is not my problem as is so commonly known to be the only disease plaguing a writer’s mind. And there’s a reason for that. Writer’s block is something that troubles a mind that has already said whatever it craved to share and now there’s no more. Such a mind has probably been out there a long time, made a name for itself that people like to pay attention to, which is why when it’s blocked – people pay attention to that too.

But what about me? Or writers like me? Writers who are just starting out and have so much to say and share; whose minds are forever brewing fresh thoughts and brimming with vocabulary to express self and impress others.
 
My kind usually suffers from writer’s bulk. Uhm…don’t read too much into it, it’s not a real term ;) Point is! The dialogues you read up there are a reflection of what plagues me. There was a time when I couldn’t get away from the housewife in me to make time for the writer and now the writer is so vicious she wants to take over everything. Even precious family time.

So now I’m thinking – that’s gotta stop!

But I found it extremely hard to do. For you see, whenever I have a thought in my mind, it begs to be written down or my head swells up the size of a huge boulder and threatens to burst out and shower everything with bits of gray. I swear that’s a real feeling! I can actually feel that swelling.
 
Then, there are the characters I create. They’re like my own kids. There are times when they listen and behave and deserve a good treat. There are times when they throw a tantrum and whine and be bratty and basically make life difficult calling for a time out. And like my own kids, their demands for attention are never ending. They don’t care if laundry day was postponed because they were too rowdy up in my head or that I forgot to cook because I was too busy plotting. As long as I dish them out their candies, they’re
happy.

I can feel my non-writer friends shake their heads and say how crazy I sound but I know my writer friends understand to the hilt. As does my husband. He should win a prize for being patient. And it was because of him that I realized I needed to discipline my fictitious babies. I simply had to learn to say no to them when no needed to be said. As fast as I felt my writing life taking over everything else, I had to carve out boundaries and niches again for the various roles and facets that pieced the whole of me together and place them in an orderly fashion so I could function – the homemaker and the writer.

Hence, Demon had to be ditched for the weekend…and most evenings…and nights.

I decided I wouldn’t work on weekends. I also try – as hard as I possibly can – to not touch and stash away the laptop when Asif gets home. He may never complain but I know he still would want to have that cup of tea with me instead of me and my laptop. And just for fun – and to perhaps tease Demon for being such a smart mouth, I’ll take the whole week off and watch movies. 
 
And get my much needed neck massages too…

Exactly.

It’s Wattpad. You said it right. And now, if you’re a writer, aspiring to be one or just for kicks are itching to show the world what you got – penmanship wise – then go ahead and post something on this fantastic new forum.

I can sense some of you savvy internet readers ruffling their noses up at me because I used the word new for Wattpad. Well, it is new to me. I discovered it thanks to my editor, Mary Rosenblum, who introduced me to it a week ago. But in truth, this site was launched in 2006 and calls itself, “the best place to discover and share stories.”

Indeed.

So if you’ve overcome your fear of perfect strangers stealing your ideas, plots and tales; or never had that phobia in the first place; are not lazy and can actually write something readable and presentable then please – share it there and let the world decide what to do with your written word.

I took this daring step this morning and posted my Origin of the Realm, the prequel to Aoife & Demon: Cursed be the Syhlain. I’m not sure how far this baby shall travel and drag in what new readers since all I’ve done is thrown a line hoping for a big harvest…

 http://www.wattpad.com/story/1599376-origin-of-the-realm 

So, if you have a completed manuscript and want to dish it out or just hook the readers’ interest with just those delectable first few chapters, throw that line and join in. Let’s sit and wait it out, let’s see what the tide pulls in!

Good luck to you. And good luck to me :)